General
Back Again
I keep promising myself that I will be more consistent with this blog. Maybe it is a promise I can keep this time. I truly do appreciate those who read and comment. I would love to be here enough to create a sense of community. I think so many of live fairly solitary lives due… »
The Courage to Create
Not all artists are insane. I’ll give you that, but there a fairly large number who lived with a mental illness of one stripe or another.
Creative types are notorious for refusing to either get diagnosed or for refusing to take their medication if they have been. I am beginning to understand why.
I have two half-finished… »
Emotional Neglect
Do any of you feel like you’ve neglected your children when you were depressed?
I don’t have kids. I talked to my therapist about that today, the possibility of children one day. She said that I had all the qualities to be a great mom, but she also said that studies show that bipolar parents tended… »
At noon I have my therapist appointment, same time every Monday. It hasn’t been a satisfying experience lately. There’s been too much talk about disability and not enough talk about what’s going on inside of me. I understand the necessity of this, but it doesn’t make me feel any better about it.
I’ve been thinking about… »
Panic Attacks
Do any of you live with panic attacks, too?
I tried to go to a small class at a herb farm this morning. It was about growing your own tea garden. I love tea in a slightly obsessive, I-have-more-than-I could-drink-in-a-year, kinda way. And, I keep buying it! Anyway, this class seemed perfect: small, a subject that… »
I Need a Do-Over!
If there were a re-commitment ceremony for bloggers, I would have to have one.
I have my excuse in thirty, yes, thirty pages of paperwork I’ve filled out for social security these last two weeks, along with the phone tag I’ve been playing with my long-term disability claims examiner for my work disability. They told me… »
An Entry about the Dark
Last night was a bad night.
The demons returned to my dreams, and I could not go back to sleep. It is so frustrating. I take my medication, get some exercise, do creative work, go to my therapy and try to stay hopeful, but there are still the dark times.
I dream of demons and hell. Explicit,… »
SSDI Interview
Sorry I didn’t post yesterday. I was emotionally exhausted. I had my SSDI interview and had pretty much worked myself up into a panic over the whole thing. What if I said the wrong thing? What if I cried? What if I had a panic attack and couldn’t finish? I had a long list of… »
The Tangled Web
Before I approach today’s topic: If you are having suicidal thoughts, making plans or feel your depression is out of control and heading in that direction, please call your therapist and/or psychiatrist immediately. If you have made an attempt, call 911. You may just need a med adjustment. Those nasty little brain chemicals can shift… »